august was a month of big things including two visits from my dad. i feel like, for once, i'm truly letting go of that which i've worked past rather than ignoring it and just pretending that everything is okay. i also feel like i understand the limitations of "getting over" or "working past" stuff that involves other people. approaching the whole experience with few expectations (and not as a protective mechanism but with an acceptance of what one can and cannot control) has helped and i've got a new sense of being in the present moment and feeling infinitely grateful.
so yay, lots of progress on that front however i'm kind of nervous about this art festival.
my aunt keeps pointing out that it's a learning experience, if nothing else, and of course i'm mostly approaching it with wonder and excitement.
i am open to possibilities; unattached to any outcome.
yet all the classic physical manifestations of nervousness are running rampant through my body and when i get still enough i can hear the voice of fear. i think, perhaps, it's a good thing that it's not the only thing i hear, or even the loudest, but i was surprised to hear it at all.
it shows i am capable of painting often, but it doesn't feel like enough. regardless, though, i know i work well under pressure so it's time to buckle down and focus.
i don't know that i have enough variety - taking only originals seems pretty limiting - but i don't have the time or the money to prepare as many prints as i'd wanted. on the bright side, i have lots of wood blanks and think if i spend the next two days painting and the following two days sealing and finishing everything, then i can inventory and pack up on saturday and be ready to go, sunday, all stress-free.
sounds good but also sounds like an expectation and i know that anything is possible. all i can do is breathe. and paint. paint and breathe :)