September 8, 2012

and summer became fall

see what's happening here? i'm going to start blog posts with lyrics again.

okay, no i'm not. it's actually chilly outside and fall is here to stay enough that i'll take a hoodie to the art fest tomorrow (and will definitely need it all morning at least).

and speaking of the art fest, i'm hustling and have been putting off some last minute details and part of me wonders if it will have been all worth it. i stop myself because of course, even if for experience alone, it will be.

but panic mode keeps trying to kick and i have to keep reminding myself that i haven't failed already.

right now, i'm taking a break and telling myself there is no need to stress about tomorrow. there isn't, even though i worry that i won't have enough stuff or that i have too much or that i won't sell anything and therefore "wasted" all this time that could have been better spent with my kids or doing laundry or whatever.

then i breathe and remember no matter what, it wasn't a waste of time. i haven't completed this many pieces of artwork ever. this summer was busy and full of travel and visits and plenty of family time and OMG i still managed to painted up a storm!

this is all part of the process and i wasn't able to get everything done in time. no big deal.
part of me keeps whispering to myself, "it doesn't matter, no one's going to like your stuff anyway," and i really, really don't know why my head still has to play this trick.

getting ready for an art festival is a lot of work...i imagine it would be so even if i felt prepared or had previously had a bunch of completed pieces. i'm going to make myself an iced coffee and take the boys outside. and speaking of the boys...they have played together all day so, so well. much more than usual. i've somehow managed to seal/varnish all the things i was putting off, make healthy snacks and lunch AND we didn't have the TV on until 3 - that all in and of itself is an accomplishment. only now are they getting a bit wound up and understandably so.

off to make that coffee now, get some fresh (chilly) air and then get back to work so i can load up my car later. i'm relaxing my expectations because i could be painting and finishing up all night but i don't want to be up late (have been suffering/recovering from a cold and severe allergies for two weeks) and i just want to be done - to say that what i have is enough and that it will be good.

see you on the other side of this whole experience :)

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