it feels like a secret.

breathe.

so many good and happy things are filling in the cracks of fears and complaints. i know grievances don't really take us anywhere but i still have many though i catch myself these days, a bit sooner, and find myself being gentle with my complaints.

with myself.

it's okay to experience the full range of human emotion.

it is.

it's when we dwell in any one place too long that things become unbalanced.

i am so excited and that, my friends, is a word i've been apprehensive to use my entire life.

when i'd be about to embark on something big - huge - like vacation, college graduation, or even possibly my wedding and someone would ask me if i was excited i'd be like, meh and i'd shrug.

excitement, i've figured out, elicited fear for me because so many times i'd look forward to something only to be sorely disappointed for one reason or eight.

NOW, though. yes, disappointment could still be a potential outcome but i also know that disappointment is a direct result of my expectations and that a whole lot of OTHER REALLY AWESOME SHIT could be a potential outcome.

THAT excites me.

the possibility.

imagination and positive energy and really good reminders seem to be all over the place lately. i'm soaking in that, taking it in, still sort of unfocused but clarity is somewhat elusive.

i'm writing. i am. i am recognizing how getting in my own way, repeatedly, my entire life, has possibly been influenced by others but is ultimately rooted in my own feelings about myself and has probably been the greatest disservice i've ever done.

thankfully, it's never too late and i am thankful right now for some recent connections with more powerful, motivating, positive women than i have ever known.

my happy painting of the week!