i take a deep breath and find center, if only for a moment.
the baby is crying and whining and wailing for no apparent reason or because he can't open the duplo container. funk.
i can't seem to get in touch with the realtor we want to list our home. funk.
the realtor we're working with for the purchase of our next home is getting on my nerves again. funk.
the house that i love - the only one i cried real tears about when i learned my husband didn't like it. at. all. - yeah, there's another one on the market with the same floorplan but a more traditional southwest elevation (which i prefer a million times over) - and it's bank owned and $45,000 less than the first one we saw. but my husband still hates it and it hurts. like the faint memory of a broken heart...
that might just be that i'm somehow baring my heart for all sorts of ridiculous nonsense right now, though. i recently found out that an ex-boyfriend of mine has a girlfriend. and so what? it's been over a decade since he was my boyfriend (if he even ever was that) and he's had lots of girlfriends since. i've had lots of boyfriends since. i'm married, for christ's sake! i hadn't even talked to this guy in years until reconnecting on facebook so you'd think this news wouldn't have hit hard in the heart, yeah! (sorry, was reminded of sage francis lyrics, even though they're from a song without any romantical references whatsoever. he says that in "how to write a political poem" and this is how my head works sometimes. that was the only way to describe the feeling and i had to give proper credit.)
funk and double-funk.
on the bright side: i'm totally psyched about this packing thing even though it feels so completely surreal to be packing without knowledge of a future destination - i know not the time or location of our next home (and yes, i still feel mildly hopeless that a new home is even in our future). but it's helpful to see real proof that i no longer harbor lots of useless crap. i'm packing fewer boxes of random stuff than ever before - it does help that i have majorly downsized on the knick knacks since i moved in here. every time i opened a box of mine, during our annual garage clear-out, it was easy to see what i'd lived without for a year, or two, or three, etc. what i have kept over the years, or what i'm holding on to still, is so easily organized - like everything i'm keeping has a purpose - in addition to a small amount of necessities and clothing, i've got some books, other media, the kids have a manageable amount of toys, and i'm keeping only meaningful art supplies. simplification has been achieved.
i'm not sure if this is the reason packing seems so easy and stress-free right now. or if it's because i've had so much practice that i'm nearly an expert in the field. or if it's because this is the least stressful thing about moving. no matter because it's the only form of stress-relief i've got right now and it's working. it definitely balances the funk.