unfortunate

unfortunately i'm exhausted.
i haven't had much time to keep up around here.
i haven't made art in weeks.
i wish i had the time and money necessary to process stuff with a therapist.
i keep focusing on the good and telling myself i'm happy but life isn't beautiful without the pain and sometimes it's hard not to go there. actually, i'm always there, the pain is more real than telling myself it's all roses.
i really want to get serious about writing my book, and like anything, i guess i have to make the time by i can't squeeze any more out of my days and i don't even have a working laptop anymore.
i'm up early and i had this fantasy that i could wake early everyday before work to paint or do yoga but the truth is, i'm up because sprout is an early bird, today his new record: we've been awake since 5:30 :(
i'm thumb-typing on my phone because i don't want to ignore him by going into the office just to update my blog.
there's a lot of stuff under the surface and a whole damn lot of it is good but the pain is greater right now.