March 11, 2015

not even three months into the year and already a new word...

last friday, i was driving home from work, tired but exhilarated - it was right after stranger factory's first opening reception in our new space! my mind was all over the place but also aware and as cautious as usual. i was driving up a four-lane hill and needed to get in the left-most lane. i am always aware of cars i may pass or cars that are behind me and even though it was late and i hadn't passed any cars, i also always double and triple check because, you never know. i never assume i'm the only one on the road and i have a little routine that involves not only being aware of my surroundings, but turning my head to look behind before switching lanes (i think driver's ed sufficiently scared me into never, ever using the rearview mirror for lane-switches), and relying upon a little blindspot mirror that awesome papa put on my side mirror shortly after we got the car.

i was so SO grateful for that little mirror because a car must have hauled ass up the hill and was totally in my blindspot. i wouldn't have seen it in the side mirror, alone, and couldn't see it when i turned my head, but i saw it in the blindspot mirror and gave a little thanks as it passed me, especially since i'd just passed an accident a few minutes prior and and and. always with the reasons to be thankful....

the car passed me and i got behind it and because my brain pays some weird attention to cars, i took notice that it was a blue ford focus.

as i approached the street that i was turning left on, an oncoming car turned right and i found myself behind yet another blue ford focus, like identical, and because my brain is just weird, in general, i had a fleeting twilight zone thought, like, how could that car have been traveling ahead of me but also towards me and while i was reassuring myself that it was, in fact, a different car, i had a *lightbulb moment*...

pretty much f o c u s has to be the word that guides me through the rest of the year.

truth and i have gotten really close. in fact, truth will always + forever be my word, but focus makes soooooooooooooo much sense. in fact, the two work well well that the following night i wrote down "truth + focus" and the fumblings of some other words that might someday be a poem and shared them with a progress pic of a new painting on instagram.

but anyway...i don't want to say i lack focus because i certainly don't but the only way i can accomplish all the things is to focus more or better or something...and i don't want to say it's a little bit scary, but it kind of is because in order to focus or to have focus, it seems one must also know what they want. it's true that for the past several years, so many of the things i set out to do happened, but still, many others didn't. it's also true that some of them were things i didn't actually want to do, or changed my mind about upon initial attempts or further reflection...but there are some serious things i want to do that i can't do without more, through the all the symbolism one can muster from metallic blue american-made cars (are they even actually made here anymore?), the universe has spoken.

focus, it is.


some miracles have totally happened this year. like, in the last month, actually. SO MUCH STUFF.
i can't even put any of it into words right now, probably because i am still at the beginning stages of harnessing the power of EVEN MORE FOCUS and also because it's nearly 2 3 a.m.

rock + roll


oh, and sleep! i anticipate a more focused update soon-ish ....

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