it's been worth it, though. all that clearing has made space for new things to emerge and the bottom line is: growth.
i realize i haven't yet shared my word of the year because even now, end of july, i'm still easing into it.
it chose me and i played hard to get, knowing full well a word like that would not fail to live up to my own ideas about being more natural and unabashed, centered in truth, unencumbered by expectations. this year was about embracing and stepping into who i really am, okay in my skin, okay in my world. though it has not been without loss and as it goes on i am more and more convinced that loss should never be quantified. each grief is its own thing and requires individual attention rather than comparison and every ending also brings with it empty space waiting to be filled. that cliche is true.
it's how it works, this constant state of letting go...
when you surrender and get out of your own way, they say miracles happen. and they do, but also, in the middle of all those miracles, life still happens. you may receive confirmation that you're on the right path but may also consciously or not-so-consciously wait for the punchline, in which it will be revealed that the joke is on you. oh? you wanted this lovely thing? well, you don't get it, you don't deserve it, something bad's around the bend...
incidentally, as i was writing up this blog post, my middlest was watching a video and they mentioned cherophobia, a legit fear of feeling happy because you're afraid something bad will happen. this article pretty much sums up my experience with that, though i might also add that part of my difficulties around good news is how awfully people have responded to it, with insults or warnings or reasons why good things never last. through practice, i've gotten pretty good at accepting the mixed bag that is most days. some are full of blessings, some full of junk, and most have a little bit of both (and also, nothing lasts, that's sort of the beauty of it).
you take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and there you have the facts of life....right?
i'm down with change and growth and also to authentically experiencing joy in the moments meant to be enjoyed. so, life's happening, things are not under my control, and good things are afoot.
recently my work has also experienced a growth spurt, and as i settle, post-shift, i feel less all over the place. i've not been as likely to share my works in progress as i've been in the past, but i'm liking the quieter spaces i find myself in as i paint and move in a clearer direction. i have decided to start signing my paintings differently, as well, outgrowing what now feels sophomoric. there will be some sales and some giveaways as i part with old art, too, so stay tuned...
|new WIPs and old works with new elements|
all stages of progress
and now, drumroll please....
in getting out of my own way, my dream job sort of just materialized and fell into my lap. of course there was a bunch of behind-the-scenes action, as well, but through the magic of intention and the wonders of social media, i got a job at stranger factory, a toy store/gallery that's been at the top of my dream list since the wife and i went there on my 33rd magical mystery birthday tour. i knew i wanted to get my work in there but knew it wasn't ready at the time. in fact, even until, like, right now, i'd been too intimidated to take my artwork in and show the owners or director.
i wasn't even looking for a job but was looking at what i could do to generate more art income. i had a plan and some of it included things i wasn't sure i wanted to do and definitely didn't feel ready to do, like hosting art parties and developing an e-course, as well as things i was ready to do like seek out more local venues and galleries to hang my work.
i'm still walking around in shock and it's been two weeks. i really get to work for and with kathie olivas, her husband, brandt peters, as well as the super-fab, valency genis?!?! i mean! *pinch me*
okay. and this is just adorable...i stumbled upon valency's blog and her last post (a few months after i went in there the first time in 2012) just so happened to include her happy announcement about starting at the stranger factory, too! whoa synchronicity.
|totally in love with this collab between kathie and valency.|
and saving my pennies!
anyhow. yeah. wow. i attribute much of the legwork to valency, actually, and i thank her for keeping up with me on instagram (even while she was in the UK for a year) and putting in a good word for me. i am super stoked to be part of such an amazing group of creatives - the energy, the opportunity, i'm just so grateful for it all - life does not get any less strange and i kind of love it!
|signs, signs, everywhere there's signs...|
this is on the sidewalk near the gallery ! ! !