finally i realized that forgive(n) was the word for 2012. i hadn't chosen one at the start and in reflection i'd considered the words expansion or open but the heart-opening experiences i had this year were simply the side-effects of all the forgiveness going on.
one of the main takeaways from my "kinda" catholic upbringing is praying the rosary, especially the our father (also known as the lord's prayer) and especially this one line that comes to mind quite often:
forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us
i feel like the entirety of christ's message is one of love and peace and quite similar to buddhist tenets of non-attachment and non-judgment. this is where most christians and i disagree but i think the pinnacle of christ's teachings lies in doing unto others and turning the other cheek.
this summer i set along the path of forgiveness. i knew it was necessary and re-reading you can heal your life really helped the path unfold before me. hay's suggestion that we don't have to know how to forgive, we just have to know that we want to was instrumental in accepting traumas and slights and moving forward with love and acceptance in my heart.
this year i also let go of lot of things that no longer serve me, dysfunctional and obligatory relationships included but not without some residual guilt. whether we mended our relationship or walked away i feel nothing but love for the other people involved.
i know we've all done what we could with what we had but i wasn't making a conscious effort to fully accept this about myself and forgive myself. this weekend, the word "forgiven" kept getting in the way of my word for the upcoming year. i had the house to myself and used the silence to write and reflect.
the familiar waves of softening heart came rushing over me and self-blame, guilt, and sadness started to wash away. an unwavering faith in myself filled me and on an exhale i felt at peace with being forgiven.
many religious epithets and cliches soon filled my head. i even contrasted it, briefly, with my experience of being "born again" at age ten (oh, i could write a book about baptist sunday schools in the 80s) which, to this day, has never been anything other than humorous.
i choose to honor the divine in each of us and reject the idea of sin but it was still powerful to sit with the knowledge that i forgive and am forgiven.
|born-again vibe aside, i'm considering a forgive(n) tattoo. |
possibly with the recurring balloon/anchor which is an entire story unto itself.
what is your word going forward into 2013? what was your word for 2012, whether you had one at the outset or found one in reflection?
this blog post is now part of a blog hop with several creative women from across the globe who participated in kelly rae robert's flying lessons e-course in 2011. they were gracious enough to invite the 2012 class to join in their blog hop! to check-out some more amazing posts about the 2013 Word of the Year, click here.