don't wish it were easier, wish you were better

yesterday i was trying to figure out how best to balance a few hours alone when there was actual job-related work to do, unexpected laundry (i was content to ignore the mountains but 3yo had just climbed into my bed and then peed in it), and speaking of mountains there was the mountain of creative stuff in my head and also the stuff in the living room waiting to be taken. away. from. here.

i didn't know where to start and and and.

i needed to do pilates.

i decided that no matter what, meeting some of my needs had to happen. i figured the two most important things, after i got some work done, were pilates and getting started on susannah conway's workbook for 2013. because i can put off doing pilates, and i didn't know which to do first, i went to my bookshelf to find what i thought would be the perfect binder for keeping the women workbook. it was more than perfect.

 and i may have gathered a few other things

(could my theme for next year be frivolous happiness + puppies?)

 

i'd used this mini binder when i was doing in-home preschool two years ago so it was already set up with monthly tabs and self-adhesive page inserts (i don't even have to hole-punch. yay!).

 

tucked into a pocketed page was a list i'd written on a piece of my husband's scratch paper. it was a simple list of things to do, people to call, stuff i wanted to buy because i was still doing that and kind of still until "stuff " started coming up for me again recently. as some of you know, i have been purging large, life-changing amounts of stuff since 2003. lately though that no longer sounded impressive (did it ever?) - now it's like, why am i still doing this? where is that simple life i've been trying to carve out? why has it taken so long?

the answer is: while i've been purging a lot, i've also still been accumulating.

i don't feel the grips of excess like i used to but i have very averse reactions to having stuff around that doesn't serve me and my family and sometimes even the amount that we do have, which may be reasonable, feels overwhelming.

perhaps it's okay to accumulate but everything that i save and what i accumulate has been under greater-than-usual scrutiny lately. very likely holiday related. /sidenote.

i unfolded the piece of scratch paper before tossing it and on the other side was a meeting outline. my husband had formed a group and faciliated weekly discussions with folks facing career-change or unemployment after the recession and the notes for this particular meeting addressed those that blame the president, their families, the economy, etc., for their own state of affairs. it offered helpful, logical insight to counter the popular opinion that external forces are to blame.

i kinda liked it because i get way too emotional when trying to explain how there's really no payoff to blame. then one line really stood out and shook me a little: don't wish it were easier; wish you were better.

(i wrote it on the binder cover, in a hurry, as a reminder)

it's a quote by jim rohn who finished with:

don't wish for less problems; wish for more skills.

don't wish for less challenges; wish for more wisdom.

 

i do this everyday.
after wishing it were easier.

it brings up something else that stayed with me last week.
the amazing tamarisk posed this question on her facebook page:
what if the things you're bitching about aren't the problem?

what if it's the bitching that's the problem?

i'll tell you what...well, another time, i'll tell you how i immediately turned something around after i read that. for now, here's to thinking before we speak (T: is it true? H: is it helpful? I: is it inspiring? N: is it necessary? K: is it kind?) and turning things around before wishing they were easier. oh, and because of my little beef with the word "wish" - here's to not wishing we were better, but being better!