May 26, 2011

i need a nanny!

i don't know how work at home moms do it, really. never have.

i cannot keep up with domestic duties when i have deadlines and Things To Do Relating To Business.

i just uploaded 198 photos from my camera for an etsy upload tomorrow at indigoblossom. i'm only listing 10 things, maybe. i haven't actually counted but i use any opportunity i have to practice shooting manual with my DSLR. if i was attempting to have 5 photos per listing that's 50 images so perhaps taking 198 images isn't an unreasonable amount to ensure some decent shots were taken, but when i saw the number coming off of my CF card i thought for sure it was a sign of my inadequacies as a photographer. the truth is, though, that i was darn proud of myself for even getting the photos done today, much less taken off of the CF card because it's just so difficult to do unless i can go a good length of time undisturbed.

i managed to wash and block all of my little doll knits while the boys were playing outside and photograph them in their neat, freshly blocked state after i brought the two little ones in and put them in the tub. i kept hoping sprout would take a nap but all of my attempts to get him to fall asleep were absolutely futile. this child takes naps daily, but not on days when mama has stuff to do. oh no, not on days like this. i gave up at around 4pm when bean got home from hanging out at the mall with his friends. he was being a nice big brother and let five year old pea go hang out in his room. pea promptly fell asleep, but sprout did not. so i put toy story 3 on for the 98,246th time and got to taking photos of the doll clothing on the actual doll. and before the movie was over i even managed to get them all on the external hard drive.

i also ate like crap today, had two more cups of coffee than i told myself i could have from here on out, and got extremely impatient with sprout when he kicked a hot cup of coffee and spilled it all over the counter and floor.

all that stuff i mentioned a few times about self-nourishment? the stuff i'm not actually about to go find and link to right now because i'm pressed for time? yeah, well. making the time to do art and be creative and be more present for my children takes precedence and eating well, excercising, exfoliating my heels and painting my toenails? who has time for that? today was a miracle, a downright miracle. i am proud that i accomplished so much (and i even have two clean little boys!) but there is so much that i outright ignored so when awesome papa gets home he's going to take a look around and the headache he had when he left for work will probably come back, if it ever went away at all. all six of my loads of laundry that have been clean and folded for days are still sitting in various places throughout the house. the kitchen bar counter still has my various stuff all over it and the daily dishes still need to be put into the dishwasher.

i have zero energy but i persisted with this last-minute detail stuff because i told myself i wanted to have a stocked etsy shop this week. i didn't mean by the end of the week, but here we are. and it's okay, but there's still the actual listings, which also take time to create...time that i will have to take away from the kids and the household chores and i know it sounds like i'm complaining but i'm not. not really. i'm just, so...tired and everything always sounds better in theory. i know it has to start with me and taking better care of myself because even though i could benefit from a nanny it's not like that's a real option, so i have to re-prioritize again but i just don't know where to start. i could use advice from anyone and anywhere...

how do i juggle a teenager (requiring a ride to and from work but off of school for the summer), two youngsters (one about to start homeschooling kindergarten in the fall and another that is still very much my attached baby), creative business, chores and domestic duties, and whatever else (because there is also something else)? awesome papa is so busy that i don't feel like i'm also neglecting him, it's pretty mutual. me-time just doesn't fit in because i've carved out time for art and that is the only time that's mine but i can hardly call it that. maybe i should store my current projects in my garden tub and lock myself in the bathroom more often? then maybe i could squeeze in that at-home pedicure i am in desperate need of. yeah, that might just work.

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