journeying to myself



from facebook. if you know how i should credit please let me know (i can't make out the logo in corner).

i have been wanting to write about being aligned with one's highest self and not being a hypocrite for about a week but i'm not able to do that without going in five different directions and it feels like i'd have to provide a whole lot of background information first.

i'm purging a lot and there is no need to dwell in negative mental space.

last week, in the wake of ugly words thrown in my direction i remained upright. knowing that anything i said could and would be used against me, i chose words wisely. i was becoming increasingly less nice and there was no need to argue.

the word manipulation came up but the word should have been boundaries.

i am carving mine out. expanding. creating. putting them in place so that my children have some sort of framework. as i set these healthy boundaries the familial drift widens.

as a child i often wondered what was so wrong with my family (at large, immediate and extended, in general, mostly on my mom's side) and why everyone was so mean. when i tried to make sense of things i quickly learned to assure myself that it wasn't that bad.

i was eleven when i thought i wanted to be a psychologist so i could grow up and either figure out what was wrong with my family or write a book about them.

therapist is out. i am writing the book.

as i expand and create healthy boundaries on this journey to being who i really am i am grateful for the lessons.

i will be kind but i will tell the truth and the truth is a lot of things.

also. i completely needed to read this tonight, too. thank you, anne lamott.