i saw a quote today that was something like "if you think too much about how to do something, it will certainly be it's undoing" and if that isn't at all close to what i read, that's the gist of what i took away from it.
i may have spun it to have more personal relevance since i feel like just going with it right now, not putting too much thought into this journal or the art because i've been overthinking both of them for far too long. essentially second-guessing and questioning so much that i was headed down a very unproductive path -i was thinking about what i could do, but admittedly i wasn't doing anything.
as with anything, i think i can easily get off-track simply by letting my thoughts run amok - i feel creative and instinctual, always have - but in the last several years i've had no shortage of creative and intuitive thoughts, i've just done nothing with them, or about them. it is good to see the change coming, to feel it. to be doing it!
i almost said that i've decided to just start doing art everyday, but it wasn't a decision. it was a choice. i have recently chosen to do something creative everyday. it doesn't matter what it is. and a few weeks ago, kind of serendipitously, i saw a copy of The Artistic Mother: A Practical Guide to Fitting Creativity into Your Life at borders and i eventually went back to get it. while i may not actually follow each and every project over the next 12 weeks, it was just the thing i needed to inspire and motivate me enough. to do art. make art. be creative. stop making excuses. you name it. my internet time is now more focused. my daily tasks beyond the typical domestic duties include nothing but play and creative expression. even if i'm painting with a baby at my feet or on my back. even if i have to stop 345 times a day to get a cup of water, apple, grapes, clean a butt. whatever. this is my job. it's one of the things that i've always wanted and it took me several years to realize that i already had it.
things are, of course, not always ideal but they are getting so much better since i started thinking less and doing more.