May 28, 2010

my name is not slacker.

i've been thinking a lot lately about this whole blog thing. i have had a livejournal for almost ten years (in july, i think?) so i naturally thought i'd have no problem updating this or my review blog regularly.

then a month can go by and i haven't done a single review (and not for lack of fun things that i could review) and i haven't made a worthwhile contribution here. i take pictures and make notes for my "blog" all the time.

i don't share them here.

i don't share them on livejournal.

i wonder if i'm a total nutcase.

so i really started to ponder this a few weeks ago. what am i trying to accomplish, what is my blog's purpose? i'd start by answering that part of my blog's purpose is to continue to reach out to like-minded individuals and interact, gain feedback and insight, to share. much like my livejournal.

but i know i don't even give this blog a tenth of what i've put into livejournal over the years, whether it be in personal antecdotes or raw emotion. livejournal was my dumping ground. blogging was supposed to be different, this happy place where i could show the world i was strong and capable. while my livejournal(s) have largely remained public throughout the years and it's true that anyone could technically "find me" with a little know-how, a blog feels more open, without all that reciprocal encouragement that i got from livejournal. i mean, for some, i suppose that's there but i don't have a follower base of 3000 just yet. i've got one steady reader, maybe. so i feel like if i get all open and honest here, i'm really baring it all to the great wide open without that safety net of my chosen friend's list. i ain't go no friends here, it's just me. and i suppose on some level that's frightening. putting yourself out there isn't so scary when you've got friends that will comment and make suggestions, offer advice, share.

of course, i also started the blog(s) to earn a bit of cash. it is no lie...i mean, there are some pretty well-organized ads all over. i spent time making sure it wasn't omfg obnoxious and over the top like some blogs that make me want to get off the computer and leave the room screaming. i mean, i actually want people that may stop on by to come back, you know. but aside from that, i eventually forsee the blog(s) as being integral to my business - the selling my wares on etsy business. but now i'm all confused about that (so, i'll just sidenote digress here for a sec, because i'm good at
just as i have two blogs, i now have two etsy shops and i'm wondering if it's completely absurd to offer my original artwork of and relating to children and motherhood, as well as my {again, family-oriented} hand knits and whatever else tickles my fancy in one shop and then my hardcore, "i have pain" emo mixed media pieces. like the dark, grown-up side and the fun-loving, happy-go-lucky mama side can get along but not in the same shop. is that like so totally bipolar that it would never work??? yeah, so that's bothering me, like whoa!) i just don't know yet how it's really all going to work out and i've even been questioning why i have two blogs and not just one. i initially started blessed mama to encompass all that i was feeling as a forever mom of boys and never a mom of girls. but i could never open up there, even though i think it's an important topic and women should not feel guilty if they have gender preferences, i actually started to really REALLY (not just like saying, "really" but actually feeling it) be at peace with where i'm at, who i am, and what my life is all about. boys and all ;)

i'm not even sure what prompted me to start this blog but ever since, i've had the idea that this blog would be family/life oriented whereas the other blog would strictly be for reviews and giveaways. i felt that i could appeal to two different sets of readers, if need be, but it wouldn't be difficult for readers interested in both to hop between the two. but then also having two etsy shops just makes me wonder if i've taken being disjointed way too far. what makes sense one day doesn't seem to make sense the next.

so those are the two main reasons i started to blog but i had to also ask myself why i update so infrequently. part of me feels like i've put so much of myself out there over the last ten years - and while i really liked the commentary and interaction that  livejournal once provided, i have grown bored with the whole gig in the last few months. i still log on and read my friend's journals but don't comment much, the interaction has become less important. and now, there just seems to be more important things to do, than update about my life.

so, i don't know. as with many things, i haven't reached any great conclusion. i don't know if maintaining two blogs is a good idea. i don't know if producing two very different types of artwork is a good idea. i am so full of doubt right now but really need to remain positive and come up with some clear objectives. creating intent and purpose is slightly more complicated than i would have previously thought.

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